Starting a Family

Both my husband, Jesse, and I were never determined to have children but we did picture our future with them – maybe one or two. I think part of me never wanted to get too excited about kids because there was always a chance that it wouldn’t be in the cards for us. However, we were both open to adoption or becoming foster parents if that was the case.

Around the time we got married, we starting discussing family more and more. At some point we set a tentative date, because I felt like we might just always put if off if we didn’t have sort of a vague timeline in mind.

I had my TransAlpine Run planned for September 2016 so we tentatively agreed that 2017 could be the year and we would consider trying to get pregnant then (or at least stopping from actively preventing it). It would give my body a few months of rest and recovery from my intense running schedule and hopefully the epic adventure would tide me over for a while.

As we approached the new year we discussed it again and decided we were as ready as we’d ever be. We had put a deposit down on a new three-bedroom home and would be moved in well before baby got here. Our careers were in a good place. Our friends were starting to have children. The stars were aligning.

A few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test basically as soon as the box said I could and it was negative. Damnit, I had gotten surprisingly excited already about the possibility of being pregnant. Oh well, there’s always next month.

Another week passed and I got a little suspicious. My cycle is determinedly consistent even despite the amount of exercise I get. On the way home from an intense day in the mountains, I stopped by the dollar store and picked up a few more tests. That evening, I got what might have been the faintest double line ever to have existed – or more likely wishful (read: delusional) thinking.

I tried again when I woke up the next day (this is supposed to be the best time) and got another faint double line. Frustrated and confused, I tried a digital one that would simply give me a “yes” or “no” so I could stop staring and squinting at the pink lines trying to figure out whether I was crazy or pregnant.

That morning (January 29) I got to wake Jesse up by telling him he’s going to be a dad <3


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