New mom dreams

When I was in high school, I got my first job as a cashier at Safeway. I worked a lot of the closing shifts (I guess on weekends or during the summer) until midnight.

I’d often have work dreams and I’d wake sitting up in bed feeling around for bags of groceries. I’d realize what was happening, lie back down, and fall asleep again.

Fifteen years later I’m a new mom.

I’ve heard how a lot of parents choose to co-sleep with babies and wondered how people don’t accidentally smother their babies in their sleep or how they get any sleep worrying about that. Some parents love it and some parents don’t have another option if they want to sleep.

R has slept in her crib since we brought her home from the hospital. At first I slept in the nursery with her and then transitioned back to sleeping back in my own bed with Jesse and our dog Hadley.

We have co-slept on only a few occasions in the spare bedroom when she just won’t fall asleep. It has a really firm mattress and I always make sure that there are no pillows or blankets near her.

And yet I still have dreams that I’ve fallen asleep with her in our king bed with Jesse and Hadley and a massive, poofy duvet. I wake up fumbling around trying to find her in the tangle of mass of bed sheets. I have to look at our baby monitor to assure myself she’s not lost in our bed somewhere and is in fact sound asleep in her crib.

l woke up this morning and checked the baby monitor. That’s weird, R was way up at the top of her crib. I always put her to bed right in the middle and she doesn’t move much other than the occasional 90 degree rotation. Then it all came flooding back to me …

I don’t know where I was on the asleep/awake spectrum but I had the usual dream, fumbled around in my bed looking for R, but this time I found her. I took her back to her room but there she was in her crib too!? I unquestioningly accept that I have two babies now and they both need to sleep safely in this crib.

I move the real R to the top of her crib so I can put the other one’s head at the bottom of the crib so they are sleeping feet to feet. This way they won’t smother each other with their sleep sacks. I go to put the other R in her crib … but where did she go?

At this point I must have fully woken up, realized what was happening, and went back to bed.

Is this hilarious or concerning???