New mom dreams

When I was in high school, I got my first job as a cashier at Safeway. I worked a lot of the closing shifts (I guess on weekends or during the summer) until midnight.

Iโ€™d often have work dreams and Iโ€™d wake sitting up in bed feeling around for bags of groceries. Iโ€™d realize what was happening, lie back down, and fall asleep again.

Fifteen years later Iโ€™m a new mom.

Iโ€™ve heard how a lot of parents choose to co-sleep with babies and wondered how people donโ€™t accidentally smother their babies in their sleep or how they get any sleep worrying about that. Some parents love it and some parents donโ€™t have another option if they want to sleep.

R has slept in her crib since we brought her home from the hospital. At first I slept in the nursery with her and then transitioned back to sleeping back in my own bed with Jesse and our dog Hadley.

We have co-slept on only a few occasions in the spare bedroom when she just wonโ€™t fall asleep. It has a really firm mattress and I always make sure that there are no pillows or blankets near her.

And yet I still have dreams that Iโ€™ve fallen asleep with her in our king bed with Jesse and Hadley and a massive, poofy duvet. I wake up fumbling around trying to find her in the tangle of mass of bed sheets. I have to look at our baby monitor to assure myself sheโ€™s not lost in our bed somewhere and is in fact sound asleep in her crib.

l woke up this morning and checked the baby monitor. Thatโ€™s weird, R was way up at the top of her crib. I always put her to bed right in the middle and she doesnโ€™t move much other than the occasional 90 degree rotation. Then it all came flooding back to me …

I donโ€™t know where I was on the asleep/awake spectrum but I had the usual dream, fumbled around in my bed looking for R, but this time I found her. I took her back to her room but there she was in her crib too!? I unquestioningly accept that I have two babies now and they both need to sleep safely in this crib.

I move the real R to the top of her crib so I can put the other oneโ€™s head at the bottom of the crib so they are sleeping feet to feet. This way they wonโ€™t smother each other with their sleep sacks. I go to put the other R in her crib … but where did she go?

At this point I must have fully woken up, realized what was happening, and went back to bed.

Is this hilarious or concerning???