New mom dreams

When I was in high school, I got my first job as a cashier at Safeway. I worked a lot of the closing shifts (I guess on weekends or during the summer) until midnight.

I’d often have work dreams and I’d wake sitting up in bed feeling around for bags of groceries. I’d realize what was happening, lie back down, and fall asleep again.

Fifteen years later I’m a new mom.

I’ve heard how a lot of parents choose to co-sleep with babies and wondered how people don’t accidentally smother their babies in their sleep or how they get any sleep worrying about that. Some parents love it and some parents don’t have another option if they want to sleep.

R has slept in her crib since we brought her home from the hospital. At first I slept in the nursery with her and then transitioned back to sleeping back in my own bed with Jesse and our dog Hadley.

We have co-slept on only a few occasions in the spare bedroom when she just won’t fall asleep. It has a really firm mattress and I always make sure that there are no pillows or blankets near her.

And yet I still have dreams that I’ve fallen asleep with her in our king bed with Jesse and Hadley and a massive, poofy duvet. I wake up fumbling around trying to find her in the tangle of mass of bed sheets. I have to look at our baby monitor to assure myself she’s not lost in our bed somewhere and is in fact sound asleep in her crib.

l woke up this morning and checked the baby monitor. That’s weird, R was way up at the top of her crib. I always put her to bed right in the middle and she doesn’t move much other than the occasional 90 degree rotation. Then it all came flooding back to me …

I don’t know where I was on the asleep/awake spectrum but I had the usual dream, fumbled around in my bed looking for R, but this time I found her. I took her back to her room but there she was in her crib too!? I unquestioningly accept that I have two babies now and they both need to sleep safely in this crib.

I move the real R to the top of her crib so I can put the other one’s head at the bottom of the crib so they are sleeping feet to feet. This way they won’t smother each other with their sleep sacks. I go to put the other R in her crib … but where did she go?

At this point I must have fully woken up, realized what was happening, and went back to bed.

Is this hilarious or concerning???

Some good news

[Wednesday, August 2]

My morning task was to apply for EI. While on bed rest, I am eligible for sickness leave until baby arrives at which point it will switch to maternity leave. I’m so thankful to still get the full year leave to spend with baby.

The online application was not too painful and hopefully they will process it quickly and without problem although I’ve heard this is not always the case.

In the afternoon, I went to my much anticipated appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine. The appointment involved an ultrasound with a technician as well as a doctor. Under normal circumstances ultrasounds are only performed with a technician and the results are sent to your doctor or midwife.

They took me in for my appointment early and it was really quick. While the technician took measurements of baby, I chatted with the doctor. He did not seem too concerned with my cervix being 1.6 cm and said that it’s on the longer side of what would get referred to them. He also said that it’s possible I could make it to full term, which is 36 or 37 weeks.

Then even better news came … my cervix still measured 1.6 cm! He described it as “stable” which is really good. He did still want me to come back next week (31 weeks) for another ultrasound but that would be it. After 32 weeks they no longer do ultrasounds for cervix length because they are not as concerned if baby arrives.

The technician apologized for not having a photo for me but she said baby was head down position and resting its face in my placenta so it wasn’t being very photogenic.

Since they had taken me in early for my appointment, Jesse arrived from school just as we were finishing up. I told him the good news and we were walking on clouds the rest of the day. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Getting into a routine

[Monday, July 31]

I’ve got a good routine going on now that includes writing blog posts, watching TV, perusing baby names, and eating many small meals. My abdominal pain is down to what I expect is a normal amount for muscles and ligaments get fixed stretched and pulled during pregnancy. This is SUCH a relief but at the same time, it’s getting harder to just stay on the couch and relax.

I received a phone call from my midwives’ office letting me know that my appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine has been scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. The appointment involves getting an ultrasound with the usual technician plus a specialized doctor. My hope was that they’d be able to give a better indication of when the baby might come. I have received conflicting impressions from different care practitioners which I’ve found confusing and stressful.


29 weeks + 4 days

A nurse from the Antenatal Care at Home Program stopped by in the morning. The visits are quick check-ins but I get to hear baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler which has is always a treat!

That evening was prenatal class #2 which I still can’t attend but Jesse went again without me. When he got home, he ran through the class with me using the handouts and notes he had taken in class. I think he’s going to make a great support person when baby makes its arrival!

[Tuesday, August 1]

Tuesday went by quickly thanks to a visit from my also pregnant friend Courtney. She brought me an epic baby gift basket from her and the other Run Like A Girl ladies, Dayna and Hailey. It was full of things I needed like a robe and nightgown for my hospital bag, little onesies, diapers, baby blankets, and chocolate. It was such a thoughtful gift and of course it was all contained in a cute bin that says “Adventure.”

We sat on the couch and chatted for quite a while. Hadley tried to squeeze onto the couch between us which I though was odd. She was practically laying in my lap and then would steal Courtney’s spot whenever she got up.

I wouldn’t have thought much of it but I realized she was behaving like this last week too when my friend Karen visited. Up until this point I had assumed she had no idea what was going on despite people telling me that sometimes dogs know that something’s up during pregnancy. She’s not always the brightest dog.

I’m inclined to give her some credit now as she might actually realize things are changing. I’m not sure if she’s feeling jealous of her new sibling-to-be already or protective of her mama or what but she is a bit more needy. I do think, however, that when baby gets here she will be as in love with it as we are. We’ve had a few children around her lately and she has been so amazing with them. She has such a sweet disposition.